In the Swamp

Every now and then I find myself
Stuck,
Deep in a dank and dark place,
Unable to see the light,
     even though I know it's there. 

Held here by my fears.
Held tightly by the negativity I feel
     within myself and from others.
Bound to this nasty place
Too weak to fight for fresh air

I feel the thoughts and attitudes of others
     wrap around me and pull me in.

I can't breathe here.
I can't remember who I am.
I don't know how I got here
     or how long I'll stay.

But for now it feels like this is
     all there is.

And, so I surrender.

And in that moment of letting go,
     a light of possibility emerges.
As I embrace the discomfort that
surrounds me, it loses its hold
and I no longer have to stay.

Numb

I can't even breathe.
There is no space for it.
I don't even know what I feel.
His intensity, his rage
     consume the space.

There is no space for me.
My body rigid,
My mind blank,
Trembling, unaware, and
    all too aware all at once.

No idea what to do,
No idea where to turn
     or how to feel.
I can't even cry
     on this horrible, unimagineable night.

I feel my heart shrivelling
     inside of me.
I feel the walls going up.
All I need to do now
     is survive.

No thought,
No hurt - it's too deep.
If I cry, the floodgates will open
And I will be consumed
     by what's in front of me,
     by what's incomprehensible,
     by what's real.

Numb....Simply numb.