Parenting: The Grand Delusion

Parenting...

We enter into it naively:
thinking that we have so much to 
teach these little perfect angels.

We dream of fantasy images-
     first steps,
     first dance,
     graduation,
     college,
     marriage,
     grandchildren.


We never dream or imagine
     what could go wrong - 
     the dark days,
     the anger,
     the lies, 
     the resentment,
     the fear and worry...


We imagine that we are in control.


We believe that we have an influence.


We feel that our children reflect us.


And, yet, the reality is
     these children are souls on their own life path,
     with their own lessons,
     their own pitfalls,
     their own will.


We do the best we can
     to share values, 
     to give love,
     to teach respect,
     to model a good work ethic.


And, ultimately,
     it falls at their feet - 
     it's their life...


What will they do with it?


Which paths will they take?
  
How long will it take them to figure things out?


Will they get there - EVER?


Letting go is the hardest lesson
     that our children teach us,
     and, yet, it is the greatest gift
     we can give to ourselves
          and to them.


It is the only way
     and it is so hard.  


When we cut the cord, we set ourselves free. 

The Insidious Monster

A monster
     that creeps up out of nowhere,
     slowly gaining strength,
     slowly taking over
     until the spirit does not
            stand a chance

Leading you to forget who you are,
     all your aspirations,
     all your dreams,
     all your ambition -
           GONE

Nothing matters except
     your next date with the monster

No one else matters -
     this is your greatest love.

It beckons endlessly,
     attacking in a moment of weakness,
     tempting with its insidous lure,
     deceiving with promises of joy.

Let it Be OK

Whatever I don't understand...
     Let it be OK.

Whatever I judge to be wrong...
     Let it be OK.

Whatever I am worried about...
     Let it be OK.

Whatever others do that angers me...
     Let it be OK.

Whatever I do that angers or confuses me...
     Let it be OK.

Just let it be OK...

Listen

Listen...
really listen...
deeply listen...

What do I know but
do not choose to hear?

What do I hear but
choose to ignore?

Listen to myself -
all of my answers are within me.

Listen to others -
what wisdom do they offer?
What can I learn by listening
to their insights and growth?
their fears?

Listen to my judgment of others -
what does that tell me about me?

Listen...
really listen...
stop talking,
stop thinking,
stop analyzing,
stop showing off,

And, just listen!

For one day,
one hour,
one moment...

What will I hear if I really listen?

What will I learn?

Where will it take me?

"Be Still and Know"

Listen... listen closely to that 
inner voice,
The voice that learned to stop calling...
long ago.
It's there, longing to be heard.
Longing to connect.
Hear it.  Feel it.  It's in the heart.


Quiet the mind, which has chattered
for so, so long now - endlessly
questioning,
challenging, 
berating,
belittling,
doubting, 
attacking.


It's no longer the mind's time to lead.


It is time to hear the beckoning of 
the inner voice,
the heartbeat, the energy
of the Spirit.


Be still and know...
there is no doubt when you
answer its call.  

(Thanks to Bea Harris for inspiring this blog with her talk!)  

Be Gentle With Yourself

I have often been advised to "not be so hard on myself."

However, it was not until recently that someone gently cautioned me to "Be gentle with yourself." Wow! What a different message, even though I think the senders had the same intent. This message sounds kind and supportive and lets me know that I am worthy. The other sounds harsh and critical, like I'm doing something wrong. One feels like someone cares; the other, not so much...

And since the first time I received this message to "Be gentle with yourself. The world hasn't changed," I have received it over and over from various sources. So, I decided to pay attention to it, to explore its meaning, and maybe to make it my theme for the rest of the year. For this has been a time of great personal growth, of new insights and awarenesses, of new ideas and new friendships. Being gentle with myself through life's shifts and transitions is very important.

So, what does it mean to "be gentle with myself?

It means to nurture and support and encourage myself the way that I do others.

To forgive myself when I show up or react in a way that I wish I hadn't.

It means to celebrate my awareness and the opportunity to choose differently rather than operating unconsciously by my old patterns.

Forgiveness and love are key; understanding, compassion, and patience...

Honoring my body and spirit and trusting that I know what I need for myself more than anyone else and giving myself permission to take the time and the space I need to take care of myself.

Remembering that it's not all about me and that often what others do or don't do has nothing to do with me at all or at least certainly has more to do with their own life circumstances and experiences than with me.

Accepting myself for both the qualities I love and admire and those that I sometimes wish I didn't have.

Recognizing that in each moment I am doing the best that I can with what I have.

Not expecting perfection and allowing mistakes to occur and to be the learning opportunities that they are.

Remembering to breathe and to take a pause every now and then.

Allowing others to take care of and nurture me and not think that I have to be so strong all the time.

Being ok with tears, anger, jealousy, and the other expressions of discontent that sometimes come through.

Remembering that there is a reason I do what I do and gently guiding myself to an alternative when an old pattern kicks in.

Reaching out for help and support when I need it.

Resting. Smiling. Laughing.

Making time for friendships and family.

Being present and allowing what IS to be.

Quieting my mind!

Allowing the questions and trusting the answers.

Doing what I can for others, but not expecting to be a super hero.

Not expecting more of myself than I do of others.

Aaaahhhhh... I feel myself sliding into a more peaceful place already!